Everything matters in such an invisible way.

I've been crabby lately.  Ridiculously, terribly crabby and angry.  Yes, life is hard.  It is.  Life can be awful and horrible and it can break your heart.  Life can knock the shit out of you if you let it. 

Life isn't doing that to me right now.  I have my problems, but they're nothing that will destroy me.  Sometimes, I find it difficult to keep perspective and I let myself get buried in the right now and don't think about how far I've come, what I've lived through and how fucking unvelievably great my life is.  For the past ten months, I have held my precious boy in my arms; my precious, healthy and happy baby boy who loves me and whom my husband and I love more than anyone else in this entire world.  And my husband, my husband is my best friend and my soul mate.

Sure, I'll still be crabby, but I need to remember that really and truly, my life is better at this moment right now than it ever has been.  EVER.  I don't need to waste any time or energy on anything else but enjoying what I have right now and thanking God for what I have, because I have a lot.

And I thank you, my precious first baby, for reminding me of what I have to be thankful of.  You are my guardian angel and I can't wait to hold you close to me some day.  Some days, I don't think of you, but today as soon as this song started playing, I remembered you and I remembered the love I have for you and the short time you lived in me.  You were with me again, and reminded me how very, very blessed I am. 

YouTube - Fly Away by Poe

It makes sense that it should happen this way
That the sky should break, and the earth should shake
As if to say: Sure it all matters but in such an
unimportant way
As if to say:

Fly away, sweet bird of prey
Fly fly away
Nothing can stand in your way
Sweet bird, if you knew the words
I know you'd say: fly, fly away

It makes sense that it should hurt in this way
That my heart should break, and my hands should shake
As if to say: Sure it don't matter except in the most
important way
As if to say:

Fly away, sweet bird of prey
Fly fly away
I won't stand in your way
Sweet bird, if you knew the words
I know that you'd say: fly, fly away

It makes sense that it should feel just this way
That you slowly fade and yet still remain
As if to say: Everything matter in such an invisible way
As if to say: It's O.K.
Fly... away