Friday, January 20, 2012

A love so strong.

Sometimes, it just hits me.  I'll be sitting at work and all of the sudden I am just overcome and I have to hide my tears and quickly try to think of something, anything else.  The emotion is so strong, so overwhelming and so unlike anything that I have experienced in my life.  I'm still getting used to this whole "being a mom" thing and I have to say that there is no way, no class, no gadget, no book that could have ever prepared me for loving another person as much as I love my Henry. 

When I was pregnant, other women would tell me "you are going to love this baby so much."   I'd smile and nod, all the while brushing them off thinking to myself, "Yeah, crazy.  I know.  Of course I'm going to love my baby."  I was right, but the shear magnitude of the love I have for Henry is something that I could never have fathomed before he came in to my life.  He is my everything.  My every single little thing.  I understand how mothers give their lives for their children's; I know why women kill for the sake of their baby.  There is nothing, NOTHING I wouldn't do for him. 

I remember one of the first days I had him at home.  He was crying and I was beside myself.  I had no idea what to do, and all I wanted was to make him okay.  I tried everything in his room and finally turned on the white noise machine in his room.  The sound of the heart beat that calmed him, and I was in tears when I realized that was what he heard when he was in me:  my heart beat.  He heard it, it comforted him, and it still meant safety and peace to him.  I will never forget that moment and the connection I felt to him in it. 

He has changed everything in my life.  He made the love I have for my husband more profound.  As I watch them together, I am filled with joy.  Mike and I made this wonderful person who has made our lives so much more important.  He has changed my understanding of God; he has changed the way I pray.  I understand more the reality of the sacrifice of God when he gave his only son to save the world, to save my son.  He has changed my future, and has made everything in my past make sense.  He is the reason who I am the person I am today and the reason I will make myself a better person. 

I love you, my Henry.  I love you more than everything. 

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